This is hilarious, author unknown...

Future News Story


Date: TBD 2010

Across the United States we are seeing an unexpected result of the Iraq War play out before our eyes.

Many brave, patriotic civilians went to Iraq as part of LOGCAP (Logistics Civilian Augmentation Program), and returned to what they thought would be a normal life back here in the States. However, many of these individuals have since been diagnosed with what is now known as Post-KBR Stress Disorder, or PKSD.

These individuals became addicted to high pay for nominal work, very often in jobs they were totally unqualified to perform; and when they returned to what is known as "the real world" they were unable to adjust. Many have refused to return to whatever jobs they had prior to their tour in Iraq, having given themselves the delusion that they actually were qualified for the positions they had graciously been given while there.

A great number of them have refused to work for fair wages in America after having been spoiled on the pay they received while working (or at least, filling out a timesheet) overseas.

This has caused great stress in many families as sufferers of PKSD have refused to assimilate back into the real world.

Many, for years, only saw their families when it was R&R, fun and vacation. Now they are having to deal with the problems that go along with normal life, and they refuse to do it. Another problem is that when they were home in a vacation frame of mind they had more than enough money to spend on every whim of themselves and the family. They spent money like the cash cow would never stop giving and did not adequately plan ahead. Now that they have refused to go back to work they are frustrated that what money they had saved is now gone and they now face financial devastation. Also, since they are no longer the great financial provider that they once were, it has led to marital problems, in many cases.

For some reason that is unclear until further research can be done, everyone who ever worked in water purification and returned home has turned gay. That's right, they have all become flamers. Researchers say it may take years of study to determine why this has occurred. They have ruled out the chemicals, and now believe it may be the long hours they spent alone together in the ROWPU units.

With the war over in Iraq and things winding down in Afghanistan there is no longer a great need for highly paid, unqualified people in the LOGCAP program.

Former Operations Coordinator for KBR, Many companies that hired KBR HSE Coordinators are still trying to do what he did in Iraq are facing OSHA fines, and some, loss of contracting license.

This new phenomena has overwhelmed the mental health industry. But, since these individuals no longer have jobs they no longer have health insurance (unless they are still married and the spouse provides it), so most are SOL.

Most truck drivers from Iraq refuse to go back on the road, claiming it is boring without the threat of roadside bombs and small arms fire. Many more truck drivers could not adjust to not driving in a convoy without a military escort. Almost all say they will not renew their CDL.

The Food Service Industry in the United States is enforcing a total ban on individuals who worked in KBR DFACs due to liability issues. Insurance providers will no longer provide insurance to restaurants, grocery stores or food industry suppliers who employ former KBR employees. Although it has not been confirmed, there are many rumors that some former KBR Food Service personnel are secretly being employed in restaurants that specialize in Indian Cuisine.

Almost 100% of the KBR medics who did try to return to work are now facing loss of their medical credentials and lawsuits due to some type of malpractice at their new jobs in the States. It seems that whatever the problem of the patient, whether conscious or unconscious, all they would do is try to get them to drink water.

Firemen. ? This reporter would not even know where to begin.

And one Home Depot store which hired a former KBR Materials Manager had to close down within 3 months of his hire because of the massive mismanagement of inventory. When asked for a comment, the Store Manager said, "I can't @#$%^&* believe how @#$%^&* incompetent this (&}%^ guy is. We {"+=&% hired him with the @#$%^&* recommendation from his *&^% former *^%$#& employer, but he surely had to be a ("+}^% when he %$#*)+ worked for them, too. He %^&$# things up at light speed. I don't see how his former @#$%^& employer kept from getting slammed by the government." He had more to say about the man's Mother, Grandmother, Great-Grandmother, etc.

Many of the former KBR employees spend long hours at the local convenience stores talking to the Indians and Pakistanis who work there, seemingly trying to re-experience their days of job and financial security. A strange twist is that they will not go to work for a fair wage, but many will readily sweep and mop floors at the local 7/11 for a six pack of beer and the privilege of being able to hang around and bore the owner with their stories of Iraq. This is ironic since in their previous job the South Asians worked as their labor.

Recently, some of these PKSD sufferers caused an international incident. They pooled what little money they had and tried to start a rebellion in Tahiti, in hopes that the United States would intervene with the military and re-expand the LOGCAP program there. However, the poor fools ran out of money drinking in the bar the first night there.

The exception to this problem seems to be individuals who worked for KBR Security. 100% of these individuals have readjusted and become productive, successful members of their communities. I am sure researchers will want to know the reason for this phenomenon.

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Last updated 5.9.09